Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
