he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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