And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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