We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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