it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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