i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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