I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
