yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
