so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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