Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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