just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
