"it" just moved
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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