Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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