You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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