it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
