All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
