I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
