and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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