I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
