So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
