She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
