If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
