he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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