just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize