Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
