You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize