Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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