it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
