i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
