dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
