I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
