like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
