My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
