i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize