we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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