i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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