apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
