On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
