I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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