yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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