Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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