She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sarcasm needs its own font
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
