My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
