Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize