This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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