anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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