I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
