I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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