She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
