How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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