Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
