3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize