The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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