thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
