a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
