i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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