I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
