I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
