True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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