As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
