i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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