If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
