Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Someone shattered a urinal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize