Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
