I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
