I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just blew my weed a kiss
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
