Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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