Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize