do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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