Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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