I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
