im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
