I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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