He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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