three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
