I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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