If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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