Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
