Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
