Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
