Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
