No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
