i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
