You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize